Be a polygamist with lots of underage wives and lots of kiddies! If you’re “married” to one (adult) wife, and have say 6 underage wives, each with several children each, you could claim quite a lot of “dependents.” I don’t think there is any limit on the number of dependents you can claim under the tax rebate plan, so if you really wanted to, you could probably commit fraud, and have each wife/child claimed not only under your tax return but under all the other “head of households” in your polygamous clan. Of course, they’d all have to have multiple social security numbers to be claimed that many times … somehow, I have a feeling that just might be why those kids in that raid recently had so many names ….

I noticed there’s a contest on Hillary Clinton’s website, and, being the evil kitty that I am, I made a design:

Yes, I know it sucks, it only took me about 15 minutes and I swiped a lousy quality picture off her web site for it. But I have to say it was kinda fun. I didn’t submit it though, I’m not that evil. I might work on a “real” version that’s more subtle though.

Speaking of evil, the Kentucky Derby was today, and yet another horse had to be murdered because of not one, but two broken legs. I think they must breed those horses to have frail weak bones (probably to make them lighter weight, which makes them run faster) because it seems pretty much every year a horse has to be put down because of injuries. Or they let the horse suffer for months before they kill them. And don’t get me started on how they whack the poor horses during a race to get them to run faster.

because I just looked at the sidebar category post count, and noticed I’ve written way too many posts about Bernadette Peters (dammit, there I go mentioning her again) and it’s just wrong to ignore my cat like that. So uhm … here is a post about my cat.

This morning, I was eating my favorite breakfast of wheat toast with cashew butter and bananas, and my cat was bugging me to have some cuz she’s annoying like that cuz I’ve trained her well to beg for food while I’m eating. So, I pretty much ignore her until I’m done, then I set the plate down for her, and she looks at the crumbs on the plate, then looks at me with this seriously confused WTF IS THIS? look on her face that was so cute I wished I had a video camera. My cat is very expressive, she has a full range of human emotions on that little furry face of hers. Well, at least I think she does. Anyway, after she decided this wasn’t what she wanted to eat, she did her usual “cover up the stinky” paw-paw thing she does (my cat is weird, takes after me I think.) Then she sits there, looks up at me, and “huffs” which sounds like a sigh, and I think she does it when she’s annoyed or disgusted … sorta like I make the same sound when I’m annoyed or disgusted. So, I continue to ignore her, so she starts doing things that annoy me, like typing on my keyboard when I’m trying to chat with a friend online, or flickin’ my Post-Its cuz she knows it drives me nuts. Finally, I deduce that perhaps the cat is hungry (why can’t she meow like a normal cat?) So, I go out to the kitchen and get her some cat food and feed her. Problem solved. Gee, you’d think with a cat so smart, she’d have me better trained.

I got my crapshoot concert ticket to the Bernadette Peters concert this August at the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts today. Sometimes ya win, sometimes ya lose. I’m not sure which I got. The good news is I got an orchestra seat. The bad news is it cost the full $75. The good news is the venue is pretty small. The bad news is I’m almost in the back row. On the aisle. Which could be either good or bad depending on how many fat people gotta crawl over me to get to their seat. And I get at least one armrest to myself. Oh well, at least I got a ticket! I just hope she sticks around after the show to meet her fans, it seems she’s been bailing out more and more often lately, and I figure I won’t get a chance to meet her the end of this month in Costa Mesa cuz I’m doin’ the matinee and she usually hides in her dressing room between shows when she does two performances in the same day. And I really don’t wanna drive back after the evening show just to meet her, cuz that would be, you know, obsessive.

How is it possible to have straight hair that gets frizzy? I’ve had annoying, straight as an arrow hair all my life, but in certain types of weather lately I get these little frizzies that pop up in a forest on my head. I think the culprits are the gray ones, because they’re usually coarser and shorter due to uhm … futile attempts at keeping them at bay by yanking them out. But eventually I just gave up when I realized it was better to have a skunk stripe than a bald spot. But I think they’re now laughing at me (figuratively, I’m not really nutso enough to think my hair actually talks to me) and frizzing up when I have important things to do like a job interview. The last important job interview I had, I got a sty in my eye the day before and my eye was all red the day of the interview and I probably looked like I was on drugs, and, needless to say, I didn’t get the job. That, I think, was stress related, but I don’t think hair is affected by stress, is it? The really sad thing though is that I’ve actually resorted to using an anti-frizz shampoo, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to help, it just makes the rest of my hair more limp and does nothing for the gray frizzy ones. Oh well, maybe I’ll just shave it all off and start over.

I have a Google start page, and one of the little widgets I put on it is a daily “how to” thingie where it links to (usually useless) pages on how to “do” something. This was one of today’s. Damn! Why did I neglect those crochet skills my grandma taught me twenty thirty::mumble:: years ago? Well, I guess I could re-learn them … I just know my cat would appreciate it. I could make one to match her little pink collar and harness and she’d be the cutest pussy in da ‘hood!

My goodness she’s gonna be a busy little … B. I dunno everywhere she’s gonna be signing her “Broadway Barks” book, but beginning the end of May she is gonna be jam packed with stuff to do. She’s got a concert on May 31st at the Orange County Performing Arts Center, then the very next day it’s off to a trade show, yep! She’s gonna be signing her book at a trade show for booksellers/library types. Then the next day she’s doing a book signing for us little people, at Book Soup in West Hollywood … at night … eek. Then I think she’s back to NYC where she’ll be signing books on June 12th at that Barnes & Noble she accidentally shoplifted from a few years ago. Well, at least I assume it’s the same one.

Today at 10am it was 90 degrees here in Hell, I mean the Los Angeles area. What did I have for breakfast? Well, surely not something hot! I had Honey Nut Cheerios with vanilla rice milk … yum … but it only went down from there. For lunch I had some coconut sorbet. Yep. That’s it. And what am I eating for dinner you might ask? Surely not more sorbet, right? Heck no! I’m eating rainbow sherbet. Ice + sugar = coping mechanism. I really hate Al Gore and his “global warming” invention, why couldn’t he have invented poopless kittens or something useful? Oh well at least I’m not burning up that year’s worth of carbon credits I bought* for $5 by running an air conditioner.

* Note: I did not really buy any carbon credits, because, unlike Al Gore, I don’t waste massive amounts of energy living an excessive lifestyle.

Bernadette Peters changed the name of her “Bernadette’s Pick of the Week” adoptable pet feature on her website to “Bernadette’s Pick of the Litter” … now, where have I heard that before? ::giggle:: I think the latter is more appropriate given how often the feature is updated, but it’s nice she (or more likely her web guy) listens to suggestions. Or maybe she independently came up with the idea herself….

I was reading the Lively Licks blog today and it had a linky dink to Martha Stewart’s blog (don’t laugh hehe) where she wrote about the death of one of her doggies. It’s very sad, but touching. You should go read it.

It reminded me of when my first “real” pet, my cat S. C. died and I wrapped her up in her blanky with her favorite food bowl and her pet tag, and buried her under her “napping tree” in my mom’s yard, then placed a little home-made plaque over her grave. Years later, my mom removed the tree from her yard, and the workers found the dish and the tag, and my mom gave them to me, and I still have them, along with a little plastic baggie with some of her fur that I’d clipped off before I put her to rest. Yes, I was a sentimental fool even way back then. And the memorial plaque is still in my mom’s garden, although you can’t really read it anymore. So I guess she’s a bit of a sentimental fool too.